I am lying in bed wondering when the next feed will be. It is usually around this time so it feels almost pointless to go to sleep before he wakes. It's in these moments I dare to let my thoughts loose. The ones I have been too busy all day with my baby to listen to. It's in these moments I hold back the tears and try to push the welling grief down. I am led right next to my husband, he is sleeping, and although I could just put my hand out and touch him - he feels further away than ever. I am lying here knowing I am lonelier than ever. My baby is asleep in the adjoining room, he has a cold and I can hear his nose whistling as he sleeps soundly. In that room is my whole heart, my reason for going on, my reason for living. I have never had many friends, I came from a military family so we moved so many times friendships were fleeting and even in my adult life I have also remained nomadic! Maybe it's a learnt behaviour, not holding onto friendships because I always le
Motherhood has led to a variety of life changes but there are several things I now do that I never thought I would:
1) Sniffing baby's bum to determine if the nappy is dirty. Yes it's rank but totally effective and a trip to a baby group will show you this is a universal mummy skill!
2) I can remix a nursery rhyme like a boss! Not knowing the words to all time favourites has led to some rather bizzare versions! I just hope Charlie doesn't remember them!
3) Move like a ninja! I can move around a sleeping baby with skills that even Jackie Chan would envy!
4) One handed everything: make up, eating, dressing (zips are especially challenging!), cleaning, feeding dog and husband! You name it I can probably do it!
5) Peeing with a baby on my knee... sometimes nature calls at inconvenient times at and needs must!
7) I can make animal noises for any animal you throw at me.... puffins for example go 'puff puff puff' obviously!
8) My boobs have become a public exhibition! Charlie has no worries about flashing them repeatedly if something takes his interest. I am not even sure if I am or I have been fully and correctly clothed since I gave birth!
9) Yes that woman who is babbling on seemingly to herself as she pushes a baby in a pram around town is me! I constantly explain myself and my actions to my baby! Charlie is now the biggest decision maker in our house and I credit him for my wardrobe choices!
10) Celebrate life achievements that I never even considered before - I mean getting the washing up to date, a home cooked meal, make up on my face or the bed made! I mean wonder woman move over there is a new super hero in town! And the baby calls her 'squeeeleeeesquaaaa'!
I would love to hear any of your own!
Ax
9) Yes that woman who is babbling on seemingly to herself as she pushes a baby in a pram around town is me! I constantly explain myself and my actions to my baby! Charlie is now the biggest decision maker in our house and I credit him for my wardrobe choices!
10) Celebrate life achievements that I never even considered before - I mean getting the washing up to date, a home cooked meal, make up on my face or the bed made! I mean wonder woman move over there is a new super hero in town! And the baby calls her 'squeeeleeeesquaaaa'!
I would love to hear any of your own!
Ax
I totally relate to number 10, I'll be lucky if I get out the house with a brush through my hair, dry shampoo is my best friend 😂 🙈 so when you look nice you feel super impressed with yourself!!
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